Gilbert the Badass Giant Spider of Badassdom

Baddass spider and drummer in Ro's band


It started out as a normal day for Gilbert… Wake up, go to work, get yelled at by the boss, and go back home to his wife and 136 kids.

“Welcome back Gilbert, how was work?” asked his wife, Charlotte. “Terrible,” replied Gilbert, “Shelob won’t get off my ass about my silk production levels. She says I won’t last much longer if I can’t spin to win.”

At that moment, there was a knock on the door. Gilbert went to answer it. It was his best friend Peter Parker. He looked incredibly excited. “Gilbert!! You won’t believe it!!! We finally landed our first gig! We’ll be opening for Wilbur’s Warriors at Zuckerman’s Farm! This could finally be our big break!”
“Holy dung beetles!” exclaimed Gilbert, “If this show goes well, I could quit my dead-end job and pursue my lifelong dream of becoming a famous drummer!”
“That’s amazing!” Charlotte said, giving Gilbert a hug with 6 of her 8 legs, “With the extra income from the shows, we could afford to feed all of our remaining 123 children!”
“Peter, let’s get a quick jam session in to celebrate,” said Gilbert.

Peter and Gilbert called the final member of their band, Anansi to join them. They set up in the garage, Gilbert on drums, Peter with his guitar, and Anansi ready at the mic.

As they started to play their first song, there was a loud humming noise and a smell of rotten eggs. A tear opened up in the air in front of them, and on the other side were sounds of combat. The three of them ran away from the tear, afraid of what could possibly be on the other side. As they ran, Gilbert looked back and saw Charlotte walking toward the garage to investigate the strange noise.

“NO!” screamed Gilbert as he sprinted back toward his wife. Suddenly there was a strong tug coming from the direction of the tear as he and Charlotte were pulled through it.

They emerged in the middle of a battle in what looked like a human workshop. A group of adventurers were engaged in combat with featureless wooden mannequins garbed in black robes and pointed black hats. One of these mannequins wore robes with intricate crimson accents, and as it lowered its hands, the tear which had borne them through to this new world closed.

Gilbert tried to get his bearings, but discovered that his will was not his own as he suddenly hurtled toward a draconic-looking humanoid creature with fangs outstretched. As he sank his fangs into the scaly flesh, he noticed that Charlotte was attacking a human with a deadly looking sword. His eyes widened in horror as the human deftly avoided the attack and cleaved Charlotte in two with a strong sweep of his blade.

He wanted to scream, but he could not. Again he was forced to attack the adventurers. He wanted to die, to be with his wife, but for some reason the adventurers were not focusing on him; they started to attack the mannequin in the crimson-accented robes. When the final blow was struck, the mannequin collapsed to the ground, a lifeless pile of wood, and he felt whatever magical hold she had on him disappear.

Confused, Gilbert surveyed the scene. Most of the adventurers were still engaged with the remaining mannequins, but one man was looking directly at him. He did not feel any malice from this man. In fact, he felt oddly comforted. The man held his palms up in a gesture of peace and equality. For a brief moment, he felt like everything could be right in the world.

Gilbert decided he would not give up hope. He would make a name for himself in this new world, and leave a legacy that would make Charlotte proud. He chose to follow this strange man who showed him kindness in the midst of violence, and dared to dream of better days ahead. “Who knows?” he thought, “maybe I could still become a famous drummer…”

Gilbert the Badass Giant Spider of Badassdom

Raising a Republic Madilloman